Nearly Escaped Yet Another Man Trying to Use Me

Holy controlling, Batman! So glad you recognized what was happening there and managed to cut it off. No relationship is worth sacrificing everything you are! Never let ANYONE take away the things that are important to you. Even if they seem inconsequential to outsiders, you love your bubblegum music, you love your Little Mermaid, you love your princess crown, and it's not hurting anyone to hold onto those things. Don't let anyone take the things you hold dear away from you. Not even for love. Especially not for love. 'cuz frankly? "I love you but you have to give up everything you hold dear" isn't love. That's loving someone you COULD be, not who you ARE. Wee bit off the mark.

The drinking, the smoking, the promiscuity? Not my things, but if it's what you like and it's not hurting anyone or negatively impacting large parts of your life (school, work, family, friendships, self-worth), I wouldn't worry about it. We all have our vices. And pardon me for being dark, but we're all gonna die eventually anyway. May as well enjoy ourselves while we're here. However, if it IS affecting anything and you do want to give it up, I wish you the best of luck. It's not easy to give up vices. But give them up because you want to, not because everyone else insists you should for vague, irrelevant reasons.

We're all wishing you well, Cesar! Don't give up! Every cloud passes. No matter how hopeless things may seem, it's not going to last forever. Keep holding on! We're rooting for ya!

Aww, you're so great, Cesar ^-^ *hugs* That's right, we don't need anyone telling our Cesar who to be, we love him just the way he is!

Yeah never change anything for anyone else, I can sit here and say this because I dont do it myself, I have always been outside the crowd my whole life, not really 'fitting in' and so many times in my life a crossroad had come that I know is something that will make me change who I am, and I dont stray. Vices are hard to let go of, I should know, I grew up around parents who were drunk, high, because thats where their money went and relied on food stamps to get us food. They were always fighting physically on the floor in front us sometimes. Because I lived in it its easy for me because I want to Stay completely away from anything to do with 'vices' but its harder for tohers, like my brother who saw this too but once he started it in high school he couldnt stop and now he lives on the streets as a Bum high and drunk as we speak. I have talked to him once on the phone in the past year. Its so sad to say but me and my parents wait in hope that a call will come from him in jail, that way at least he wont be on the streets, and sometimes people who havent been around it seeing at an early age get into because they dont know what to expect and cant get out, maybe this is you?

Being out of a relationship as long as I have is great thing because we all know alot of 'baggage' comes with a relationship, you automatically give alot of your time and emotions to the relationship, most of time the time without even realizing it because you are blind in love, seeing what they did to me in a relationship I was in made me hate relationships for the longest time and not want to be in one and this is where I was promiscious for a while, get my "needs" and then get out, but that hurts to because no matter what feelings come into it when you are intimate with someone. I think its best to take alot of time to be by yourself and not think about it, its hard I know, but its the time where you can look at yourself see who you truly are, what you are made of, what you need in someone else, all this makes its easier when someone comes along and pursues you, you can survey that person pretty easily and know whether they would work for you or not and whether you would work for them.

Some random thoughts from me on the subject, they may or may not make sense, but I'm just trying to throw some personal accounts from me into the mix to see if anything sticks.

*HaZeY*

I whole-heartedly second that last part.
Listening to song of things like "oh I miss you" "I wish you'd come back" "you never loved me" etc doesn't help a bit - in fact makes it worse.
For me, the best solution is reading. Get into a good book and it helps you think more about theirs problems and lightens yours quite a bit.

P.S. Cesar heres a playlist for you for the your moment:

Barcera - Secret of Love
Culture Beat - Out of Touch
Culture Beat - Got to Get It
Dannii Minogue - I Begin to Wonder
Daze - Call Girl
Estella - Choose Your Destiny
E-Type - Here I Go Again
Fragma - Move On
Fun Factory - Prove Your Love
Milk Inc. - Tainted Love
Novaspace - Wicked Game
Smile.dk - Dancing All Alone
Smile.dk - Koko Soko
Smile.dk - Middle of the Night
Styleshaker - Breaking My Heart
Sylver - Fallin'
The Ting Tings - Shut Up and Let Me Go
Zynergy - Bang Bang


Dont how much these all apply fully, but I just did a quick run-down through all music, heres what I thought you could try to make a playlist of and just play to your heart's content

Generally speaking, destructive behaviors such as yours are rooted by childhood trauma; i.e., sexual abuse.

Your friend is right on the money. If you seriously want to invest in a "real" relationship, therapy may help you get there. It will be a tremendous help for you to get to the bottom of whatever it is that preventing you from achieving happiness (& true freedom). Good luck!

*hugs back*