Post by Irk on Aug 10, 2007 19:29:28 GMT -5
This is a "major thing happening in my life, so advice, support, and hugs may be dumped here if you wish. Or you can just read it if you want to know/care to know what going on." topic. And it's a long doozy.
First of all, as I may or may not have mentioned, I have never met my father before. In fact, I actually believed that dads weren't necessary and it was perfectly normal for someone to simply not have one. Imagine my surprise when I found out that there needs to be a mommy AND a daddy before there's a baby. After prodding mom about it when I had to do a family project and I couldn't use her boyfriend this time because she was single for once, she told me that his name was Conrad, they met as teenagers, he left before I was born because I would be sick and expensive and he didn't want to deal with that, and that he had only ever made one attempt to meet me ever when I was two and dropped all contact after. She also mentioned that he never had custody because he struck her as the type who would take the money she was getting for me and instead of spending it on my care, such as operations and food for my feeding tubes, he'd go and blow it. I did not take this kindly. People who asked about my dad got an answer of "my sperm donor ran with his tail between his legs as soon as he found out he'd have to raise a kid and he's never wanted a blasted thing to do with me". That's what I referred to him as. Not as my father- as my sperm donor. I didn't know I could actually be so disgusted with someone I had never met while I could remember, but dammit I managed.
As I also may have mentioned, this changed last April, when his sister (the mother of one of my favorite cousins and still a good friend of my mom) called the house. Apparently, Conrad had remembered that my birthday was in late April and that I would be 16 now- if I was still alive, all things considered. He apologized so much for being out of my life, regretted that he could only spend two years of it with me, and wanted to know if there was any possible way he could meet me. Wait, something doesn't check out here... if he didn't see me as anything more then a big fat government check, why was he still eager to see me 13 years after the whole thing blew over? Mom's story immediately changed without reference to the old one. Yes, they had split before I was even born, but it had nothing to do with me. He remained in touch to see how I was doing, was in the room when I was born, and while I never went to his house, he would come for frequent visits. His last was Christmas Eve, 1993, to drop off presents. He apparently dropped off the face of the Earth after that. No one could find him- not his baby's mother, not his sister or his brother-in-law, no one- and they eventually gave up. Aunt got back in touch with him years ago but mom didn't give a flying crap- until he made the first move, something it didn't look like she expected.
After some third party message passing on aunt's part (as mom would still rather stick a fork in her eyes than talk to my dad), mom decided that since she'll be leaving the continent for work for two months starting September, now would be a VERY good time to meet daddy and have a parent still in the area. Therefore, he and I will be staying at my aunt's house tomorrow night, the logic being that if his motives are truly creepy, there are three adults and a male teenager standing by to pound him and get me home. Aunt is also more than willing to get me home if I simply decide that I don't want to do this.
My worry is this. WHY is he trying this NOW? Why did he vanish? Was he really a danger to me when I was younger, or was mom still holding a grudge? I'm going to go meet him, partially because I'll get to see my aunt, uncle, and two cousins again after their moving out of state a few years ago, but... I don't know if I should ask questions about anything like this right off the bat, but I wanna know just how truthful my mother has been... does anyone have advice on how to handle tomorrow night? Or assurances? Or "why are you telling us all this"es?
First of all, as I may or may not have mentioned, I have never met my father before. In fact, I actually believed that dads weren't necessary and it was perfectly normal for someone to simply not have one. Imagine my surprise when I found out that there needs to be a mommy AND a daddy before there's a baby. After prodding mom about it when I had to do a family project and I couldn't use her boyfriend this time because she was single for once, she told me that his name was Conrad, they met as teenagers, he left before I was born because I would be sick and expensive and he didn't want to deal with that, and that he had only ever made one attempt to meet me ever when I was two and dropped all contact after. She also mentioned that he never had custody because he struck her as the type who would take the money she was getting for me and instead of spending it on my care, such as operations and food for my feeding tubes, he'd go and blow it. I did not take this kindly. People who asked about my dad got an answer of "my sperm donor ran with his tail between his legs as soon as he found out he'd have to raise a kid and he's never wanted a blasted thing to do with me". That's what I referred to him as. Not as my father- as my sperm donor. I didn't know I could actually be so disgusted with someone I had never met while I could remember, but dammit I managed.
As I also may have mentioned, this changed last April, when his sister (the mother of one of my favorite cousins and still a good friend of my mom) called the house. Apparently, Conrad had remembered that my birthday was in late April and that I would be 16 now- if I was still alive, all things considered. He apologized so much for being out of my life, regretted that he could only spend two years of it with me, and wanted to know if there was any possible way he could meet me. Wait, something doesn't check out here... if he didn't see me as anything more then a big fat government check, why was he still eager to see me 13 years after the whole thing blew over? Mom's story immediately changed without reference to the old one. Yes, they had split before I was even born, but it had nothing to do with me. He remained in touch to see how I was doing, was in the room when I was born, and while I never went to his house, he would come for frequent visits. His last was Christmas Eve, 1993, to drop off presents. He apparently dropped off the face of the Earth after that. No one could find him- not his baby's mother, not his sister or his brother-in-law, no one- and they eventually gave up. Aunt got back in touch with him years ago but mom didn't give a flying crap- until he made the first move, something it didn't look like she expected.
After some third party message passing on aunt's part (as mom would still rather stick a fork in her eyes than talk to my dad), mom decided that since she'll be leaving the continent for work for two months starting September, now would be a VERY good time to meet daddy and have a parent still in the area. Therefore, he and I will be staying at my aunt's house tomorrow night, the logic being that if his motives are truly creepy, there are three adults and a male teenager standing by to pound him and get me home. Aunt is also more than willing to get me home if I simply decide that I don't want to do this.
My worry is this. WHY is he trying this NOW? Why did he vanish? Was he really a danger to me when I was younger, or was mom still holding a grudge? I'm going to go meet him, partially because I'll get to see my aunt, uncle, and two cousins again after their moving out of state a few years ago, but... I don't know if I should ask questions about anything like this right off the bat, but I wanna know just how truthful my mother has been... does anyone have advice on how to handle tomorrow night? Or assurances? Or "why are you telling us all this"es?
"Hey, mom's been pretty much saying that you're the biggest waste of flesh on Earth, is it true?" I'm just so nervous about it... I've known about this for a while now, but I wasn't sure if I should say anything. *sigh* I mostly want to know... why did he vanish and come back just now...?
From what I can tell, your dad seems nice, and it seems there is a pretty good reason as to why he did what he did. It seems your dad does want to get to know you again; he must have been going through a really tough time in his life when you were born and just couldn't deal with it and had to leave. It wouldn't be the first time something like this happened in other families that's for sure, you see it all of the time, mothers too. 
xx
